What Is the Gray Rock Method?

Where did the concept come from?

While Dr. Durvasula counsels clients in her private practice on how best to use the technique — and has even given away gray rocks as gifts during book signings — she didn’t learn about the method in school. Rather, gray rocking seems to have been created outside the realm of psychology. To her best recollection, Dr. Durvasula had stumbled upon the terminology online, more than a decade ago, she said.

One of the earliest references appears on the website Love Fraud, which is run by Donna Andersen.

Ms. Andersen said she created Love Fraud in 2005 to warn others about con artists and psychopaths after she said her then-husband had stolen a quarter-million dollars and had numerous affairs.

In 2012, one member of her online community, who chose to remain anonymous, wrote an essay titled “The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths.” If breaking contact is impossible, the essay advised, one escape strategy is to give dull, monotonous responses during a conversation.

“Psychopaths are addicted to drama, and they can’t stand to be bored,” the writer continued.

When should you try to gray rock?

Lara Fielding, a behavioral psychologist in St. Helena, Calif., and the author of “Mastering Adulthood,” cautioned against using gray rocking for long periods of time.

“I would call this a distress tolerance technique,” she said, best reserved for when you’re in crisis mode. Sometimes, she added, you “do what you need to do to not make the situation worse.”